November 09, 2015
I like how not very bold this looks.
But it is a bold statement. And, once again, this week, it comes from reading what I was told to read (Hi Krissy!):
I promise, after reading I started with undone before I got to yes. I sat in my office weeping. Had to close the door. Then my friend walked in to see how my weekend was to find me with the drippy eyes. I just went on to tell my truth.
I have so much work to make the big number required, and I feel alone. (I am not alone.) I am struggling to be a great mom as I raise a very strong-willed teenager. (I am a strong-willed grown up.) I am exhausted. (Even though I slept 7.5 hours last night.)
I like that when she asked, I didn't say fine. She was kind and climbed up on a ladder to change my (not-yet-reset) clock to PST. It relieved some stress and I felt a little loved.
So yes to truth!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
November 08, 2015
Well, from hello to heavy with joy I go.
Krissy got off the phone this morning saying, go watch Glennon's video on cold, dead hands. Go! And write.
I take direction well (sometimes). So I cozied on to the comforter on the couch and watched it.
Being unwilling to live one more minute carrying shame for any offensive move is ridiculous. Even if you haven't forgotten or forgiven me. I've seen it. I've acknowledged it. I've repented to God. I've apologized to you (and you, and you). And, I've been forgiven by the only One who could count it all against me. So, yea, I'm choosing to walk away from it. Dropping the stuff that I've been willing to hold on to as an eternal penance. But what Glennon said is so, so true. The whole point of my faith is that someone else took on the darkness of my dark behavior -- I'm through with it if I'm willing to accept the GRACE and let the shame go.
For this moment, those things, like my volume, my disagreement, my forgetfulness, my being unlovable, my dismissiveness, my messiness and my unkind words are all left at an altar.
I don't have any reason to go back and pick them up. My hands are filled with grace. And when I'm able to fill my hands this full, just try keeping me from joining the dance.
I already knew all of this. I just had to say the simple yes.
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