Susan, in Christ, remembered

It's time to share a bit about the struggle of losing my friend Susan a year ago. For a long while that struggle was at rest. Was. This past week though, was the anniversary of both her passing on and her memorial service. This past Sunday, her husband, Mike, spoke at five services at church. He shared the truth of God's faithfulness and the long, obedient, eternal view.

All the words, concepts, thoughts and feelings I hold around her struggle with a brain tumor and ultimately her passing, seemed to find their way into a rather long, trickling tear. For the twenty minutes or so that Mike spoke Sunday, and for these days following, that tear wells and rests in the corner of my eye.

I miss Susan. I long to finish the conversations we had going. There was so much more to say and to learn. Before the discovery of her brain tumor, we were planning a long, deep conversation, alone. Susan had some things she wanted to talk through. I'll always wish we'd had that dinner. It didn't happen because of timing. We were both busy moms and she just didn't like being away from her family at night so much. As I think about it, loving her husband and kiddos that way; with her presence, and taking the responsibility to be there for her then, young teens, just makes me love her all the more. She didn't want to compromise.

Susan was beautiful, especially in the ways she approached God and gave in - completely - to the truth of His grace-filled love for her (and for us). I'll say again, I miss her. She reminds me today that seeking after God and finding time alone with Him in His truth is sustenance for this journey. The struggle moves me forward. With great gratitude.